im about as happy as oj after his trial
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
