i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
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you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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