He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
