i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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