I could make wine with my vomit
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
