Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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