There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
