Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
