I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
