This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't deserve a penis
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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