I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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