Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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