sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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