Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
