i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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