grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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