Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
