when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
