There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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