I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize