Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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