if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
