I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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