thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
