I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
