tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
