I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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