i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
