He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
