Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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