Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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