How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
