I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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