Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize