I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
