I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
