Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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