We named our party play list daddy issues
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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