Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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