dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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