dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
