I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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