why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize