Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
