Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish they made helmets for livers.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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