Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
