So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
