no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
