Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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