Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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