My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
