his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
