Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
