you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
