Im at strip club and am horny
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
