I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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