Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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