but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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