Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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