bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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