I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
